The only cure for selfishness is death

Being selfish is the only way to survive. By knowing what you want and getting it, you prove yourself a person.

I was worried that the first comment on my shiny new blog would be about how to cure my arrogance or self interest. Maybe I'd be interested in a cure for arrogance, but a cure for self interest can only be trouble.

I'm completely selfish. When I do things for the people I love, it is motivated by my self-interested desire to provide comfort and pleasure. Doing these things for people I care about makes me feel fantastic. It's the only reason I'm willing to keep up a semblance of a social life. When I buy concert tickets for my little sister, or a movie my friend particularly likes for him, or when I pick up roses for my mom, I feel like a saint. If I didn't, I'd probably stop giving things to people. If, for instance, there is a friend who I receive no pleasure from helping or giving gifts to, I usually reevaluate the friendship and walk away. I don't do things "just to be nice."

My reasons for giving gifts or for kindness are as follows:

1. It makes me feel amazing

2. I felt like it

3. The recipient deserved it

4. The recipient is of high personal value to me

These are also the only reasons I will donate money to charity or give money to the homeless. I won't blindly give things away, and I typically feel no guilt.

A phone call:

"Hello?"

"Hello, we're calling from the society that gives money to infants with cancer"

"Ummm..."

"Would you like to make a donation?"

"No."

"Are you sure? You could save the lives of up to ten whole infants with just ten dollars!"

"No, sorry."

"But ten whole infants could live long happy lives because of you, instead of dying young and in horrible pain!"

"Yeah...Goodbye."

-Click!-

It's not that I've got anything against infants with cancer, or that I want them to die, but the cause is of no particular interest to me. I donate money to art education programs, the Libertarian party, gun lobby groups and I donate a dollar to infants with cancer (or enter your disease of choice here) every time they ask me at the grocery store, just because I feel like it.

I also donate blood. My reasons for this are the same too - it makes me feel awesome to be doing something that's considered a service, even if the person who gets the blood in the end is a douche. I also like needles, and watching the blood fill a bag, which is a pretty good reason to give blood from me. Also, in exchange for blood, I get cookies, orange juice and coffee. And water in tiny little bottles.

I do donate, I do nice things - but I never do them because it's the right thing to do, only because of  the pure selfish joy I get out of it.

Here's an example for you to consider:

Suppose you have three nephews. For Christmas you get them each something you think they would like. They are 10 year-old triplets, and they love videogames. Jon likes classic videogames, so you get him an old Atari system with original games. Don likes sports games, so you get him a Wii and a bunch of athletic kinds of games. Ron likes to keep out of the house and hang out with his friends, so you get him a PSP and a bunch of games. Come Christmas morning, the kids open their presents. Jon and Don love their gifts - they think you're awesome. But all Ron does is bitch that "I didn't get all the games I wanted" or "I thought they had a newer version of the PSP, why didn't I get that" or he just snivels and is generally unpleasant. 

So the next year, you buy Jon and Don ponies, and you get Ron a shovel and tell him to shove shit, and if he doesn't like it, that's tough. 

And if you don't do that (or at least something in the same spirit, without a profuse apology from Ron) you're an idiot.

Why do people like giving gifts at Christmas or on birthdays? Because of the gratitude they get for giving a thoughtful present. Because it feels great when you give something and the recipient gets excited. You don't (or you shouldn't) give gifts because you're supposed to. You give them because you want to. You give gifts because you're selfish.

Ayn Rand (who, by the way was a great woman) said it all: selfishness is a virtue.

If thought is a weapon, I'm a tactical nuke

Once upon a time, men were encouraged not to think.

Men were told to accept, to till the field and lay bricks and be satisfied with their lot in life. But men rebelled. Just look at the French Revolution - peasants weren't happy with being peasants, and were quite a lot happier thinking up schemes to cut people's heads off.

Thinking, as it turns out, is dangerous.

Society is once again realizing that it isn't safe to have a thinking population. In American society, we are quietly, subtly, chided for thought and loudly praised for the ability to properly fill in bubbles on a standardized exam or asking "Do you want fries with that?" with the proper amount of enthusiasm. 

I, as it turns out, like things that are dangerous.

Standardized tests are safe, fast food is safe. iPods and Windows Media and MySpace and blogspot are safe. Saturn station wagons and Priuses and HDTVs are safe. Toasters and blenders and Starbucks and ordering just the right half-caff sugarfree latte are safe.

I like fire and straight espresso. I like vinyl and notebooks full of shaky writing and dangerous ideas. I like twenty year old Jeeps that sound like they're grinding puppies into a paste. I like radio stations that you can only pick up at night. I like open flames and raw meat. 

And I really like thinking.

It's too bad, though, that so many people now don't agree with me. Look at the people around you. Look at the people in your classes or on your jobsite. On the bus or in the mall. When was the last time you saw one of them do something original? Are they running on autopilot, not shaking the boat? If you haven't seen someone do something unique, chances are that they don't have the ability to. They're lost in unthought, giggling and cringing - incapable of growth.

Telling someone that they're boring is a nice way of saying that they're too stupid to hold your interest. Or a good way of showing them that you're too stupid to understand. 

It's a good thing that I don't talk to people much, I don't have the stomach for them, nor do they have the stomach for me.  When I talk to most people, I can't stop thinking about why 90% of conversations are just a way to pass the time instead of actually being something worth talking about. When people talk to me, I usually assume that they can't start thinking about anything other than their time wasters.

This is why I like islands far away from here. On my island, someday, the only intellectual crime will be to not have an intellect.